Global Traffic Report

Good afternoon folks, this is Steve in Global Traffic Chopper 4 (better than Chopper 2) with your evening rush hour traffic report from around the world.

Valencia, Spain - Well, things aren't looking too good from up here. Traffic is moving, but there's someone double parked in the main circle with their flashers on, yet they neglected to leave their car unlocked so locals could move it out of the way. That's snarling things up pretty good along the side streets, and people are just laying on their horns. I recommend you take the highway around the city, and if you're looking for parking, mind the electronic signs that give you real time information on the number of spots left in each of the city's main parking structures.

Eastern France - I don't recommend heading up into the French Alps this evening, because many of the roads are closed due to Tour de France race activity. We've got a couple of motor homes that have tried to, but have unsuccessfully pulled off the road, making it hard for traffic to get by. On the way up some of your steeper inclines, you've got a mix of slow moving motor homes, cyclists and people on foot that are keeping things below 5 KPH. On the highways, however, once you get through the ridiculously expensive tolls, it's smooth sailing at 130-150 KPH. Just mind the speed cameras and the slow moving semis.

Morocco - If you're planning on trying to drive in Casablanca, Marrakech, or Rabat, I highly suggest you make sure your horn is working. Also, you should take a extra dose of courage (or say a few extra prayers) this evening before flinging yourself into the traffic circles here. It's pure lawlessness out there, folks. Watch out for slow moving Mitsubishi vans painted in bright colors with Nike and Alpine stickers all over them. I'm not sure that these drivers can see out their windows with all the adornment. Also, traffic is pretty backed up at the random security check points, with all the plain clothes informants looking for people on their cell phones or bus drivers who don't have the proper speedometer calibration papers. Keep a keen eye for the trucks packed two and three times their height with payload. They're liable to tip on you at any second.

Dubai, UAE. - Traffic is gridlocked on the main highway this evening due to the exponential and unrestricted growth of this area. If at all possible, stay at the office until 11:30 PM, and at that time, you'll be able to creep home at 10 KPH. If you're A/C's not working, well, bring a towel because you're going to sweat your body weight while you sit in 130 degree heat this evening (after the sun's gone down).

Egypt - The word of the evening here, people is "movement" as in, keep moving. And use that horn. Traffic is completely jammed up but, miraculously, it keeps moving. Kind of like water through a pipe. The pipe is COMPLETELY full, yet the water seems to keep flowing through it. Keep a mindful eye for unlucky pedestrians who are forced to cross the road. They're most likely tourists who don't know how to cross the road and will step into on-coming traffic. On Ring Road, there's a bit of a back up due to a wedding procession that's weaving in and out of traffic, lighting off fire works from moving cars. I believe, yes, that's a camel on the highway. Tonight, if you're still in traffic, remember to not turn on your lights unless you get to a security check point, you don't want to unnecessarily blind people with your misaligned headlights. To keep traffic flowing, make sure to have your paperwork ready, especially if you're headed to the Sinai Peninsula.

South Africa - Traffic is moving slowly tonight from Jo'Burg to Pretoria. There's a Toyota Tazz in the right (passing) lane, and with 40 HP, it's not able to keep up the pace of the 14 BMW's, 3 AMG Mercedes, 1 Lambo and an Aston Martin behind it. Further towards the wine regions, there's some questionable driving from people who've obviously been tasting wine all day. In Cape Town, the parking attendants have gone on strike, causing people to forget how to park. But overall, most people are following traffic laws.

Kathmandu, Nepal - Things are a mess tonight. With the Maoists quitting the provisional government, traffic has come to a stand still because of the demonstrators. Oh, wait, no, this standstill could be due to the car sized pot holes. The motorcycles that continue to pass on the left, right and center aren't helping anything either. They're like the cement between bricks that keeps the bricks stationary. There's also a plethora of different sized vehlcles (TukTuks, small Suzuki Taxis, SUVs, Full sized trucks) crowding the streets because of the petrol shortage. The back roads aren't much better, where an SUV has tried to pass a pick up truck on a blind turn on a 1 way road. This one's going to take some time to sort out. Everyone's out of their car discussing how to get both vehicles through and it seems that they're being very amicable with each other.

Overall, despite the horrendous traffic, everyone is a very good driver for their conditions. Accidents, as car as I can see, are fairly minor and fairly infrequent. Have a wonderful commute everyone.

~S